Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
