Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
