You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
