I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
