I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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