We're facebook friends in real life
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
