You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
