i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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