Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
