I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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