am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
