hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
