Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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