I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
