i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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