just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
