i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
