awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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