hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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