He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Someone came in the potted fern
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
