My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
