i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you win again, gameday.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
bring money and cleavage
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize