Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
NoShamevember. You game?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
