Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
