what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize