your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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