I wish I could punch you in the face.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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