matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
