I got chris browned last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
