yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
