He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
