I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
