words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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