yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
