the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
