When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
