what day is it and did you see me today?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
