Do you still have your period?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
