im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
