you would pick up someone in the library
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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