ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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