Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
