drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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