Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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