he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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