gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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