I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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