The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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