just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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