Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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