about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
