I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
