so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
