Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
