guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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