and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
