This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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