my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
