life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
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