That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
