Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
