Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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