i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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