Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
