been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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