Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
