I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
