I cannot find my penis.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
