babies were throwing up all over the place
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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