Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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