My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
