booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
