You're so nebulous sometimes
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she looked like the before picture.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
