I wish life had little blips of pornography
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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