My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
