Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
