next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize