Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
