He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
