I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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