Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
