direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
