I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
