so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This toilet bowl is my home.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize