My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
