apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
