if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize