How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize