The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
