I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
