I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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