2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
