taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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